Your Name Should Be Bob

Today, for reasons unknown, my mind wandered back several years to a boy from my secondary school . He was what you would define as the complete and utter retard and knobhead - I kid you not. Everything about him personified knob or twat or knob-twat. He found pleasure in hurling rulers across the classroom at the age of 16 and sincerely believed the way to a girl's heart (and more) was to greet her with 'wagwan' and refer to her as 'gangster', 'G' or 'fam'.

Anyway one day there he was sitting opposite me in a Science lesson, perhaps plonking gum onto a poor unknowing girl's hair, or trying to light said hair on fire with a Bunsen Burner (or both, I mustn't forget or underestimate his potential for idiocy). And then his friend walked past, the table and he yelled:

"Bob! Oi Bob! Your name should be Bob man. I swear down, Bob! Bob! Bob!"

His name was of course not Bob, so everyone - including the newly-christened Bob - was wondering why he was being such a retard. Needless to say he already was a retard, but this act had established a whole new level of retardation he had not previously displayed.

"Bob! Bob! You Bob!" he kept at it.

"What are you on about?" someone finally thought to ask.

"Bitches over boys! He skanked us yesterday for his chick. His own boys for his gal, man! And today. So he's a Bob! Bitches over boys innit!"

I was astonished at that point. I just remember thinking "Genius. That is pure genious." As of then, I had a new found respect for the boy. The simple abbreviation of a phrase to a common male name, which would be apt for a large number of males in a relationship is sheer brilliance. I for one know a number of Bobs who have neglected their 'boys' for their 'bitch', as it were. I do not know whether the retard boy actually coined the insullt or not. but I was impressed. I also did not care that it was sexist (and still do not) because it is very, very clever. Wow. 

 

Do you know any Bobs?