London Underground: Leave it Alone

A lot of commuters complain about the tube whilst sitting on it. Okay it's not exactly a private jet - not unless you constantly have somebody's underarm in your face on a private jet - but it's really quite a marvellous thing. You can travel to anywhere in London with your Oyster, therefore, the world is your Oyster. For most, the world is confined to London there whole lives anyway so fuck it, yes, London is your Oyster. Am I scaring you?

You could be a cock and got to Cockfosters. You could go to South Kensington and feign Received Pronunciation and an air of high society.  You can go to Bushey (yes I kid you not) without shaving your bush. How about Chalk Farm and pretend you're in a sort of retarded cartoon. Fancy going to Gunnersbury and getting gunned down by its residents? Although that's more of a Brixton thing. You can go to Camden Town [ain't burning down] and find Amy Winehouse lying face down near a gutter trying to find her cocaine in the snow. You can go to Mudchute, grimey as it sounds, And get this: you can go to White City even if you're not white.

In my experience, both the District and Metropolitan lines seem to have the finest totties. For some reason, I despise the Piccadilly line because its stops are irrelevant to my life really, plus it seems to lack capaciousness and carry annoying children. Oh and whenever the train passes through the moody, written-off station that is Blackfriars, I get a chill down my spine. The driver always passes through slowly as if in respect of its being no more, as if lamenting. It's all very fucking bizarre. Either the Hammersmith & City or the Central Line (I forget) always has an American lady on it chatting excitedley about her job relocation to a new British friend either too polite to admit she can't comprehend the accent or too rude to share in her excitement.

Do you have anything to share about the London Underground? Any experiences or musings? If not, feel free to make them up for my amusement.